by Shiv Cook | Dec 13, 2018 | life
If you want a different result you have to be prepared to do something different~SCK
Are you stuck trying to make change doing the same thing you’ve always done? Is it time to try something different?
The say the definition of insanity is doing the same thing and expecting a different result.
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Oh how many years I tried to starve myself and work out more, achieving neither most of the time, but having it as the ultimate goal all the time, the perfect partnership for failure.
And then after the fire, things appeared different-they weren’t really, what was different was my perspective. I had had a paradigm shift that would ripple out into my life for the years to come.
My world was turned upside down and inside out. My thoughts, assumptions and even my “knowledge” acquired to date all came into question.
From no connection to anything but my outer success, to a deep exploration of my darkest and, what I thought were my “nastiest” caves inside, there is very little in my world today that is the same as it was 13 years ago days before I rose from a house-fire on September 9, 2001.
That day everything changed for me, two days later the world would join me in my mourning, me for my home and possessions, them for the those lost and injured in the World Trade Center tumbling from the sky.
Those 5 days shook my world to the core, I almost fell out, instead I stepped off the ledge I had worked hard to climb. There was no place for Corporate Securities Law in my world. I had nearly died and found out how badly I wanted to live.
There was so much I wanted to experience, the hands of GrandFather Time wanted to brush my shoulders and I realized how much I wanted to stay.
I made a pact to do it differently. I had no idea how it would happen but I knew it HAD to happen.
It took nearly dying to wake me up. Today my life is very different.
From what I eat, to how I live, where I live, with whom I live and how I look, to how I feel, to how I dream, who I am, how I spend my time, how I spend my money, how I value my time, to how time and love are my most treasured assets-nothing is the same yet everything is because it is still me at the core, there is no before and after within this skin of mine, it was all me, and it still is me.
I had to split myself away from my former self to heal from within, outside of the constraints of the labels and social validation I got from who I was in the world via my career not my heart and soul.
I realized I didn’t want to be known for what I achieved, but for how much I loved and how wide I could love, for the depths of happiness I could find to plunge myself in, alongside the pools of despair that are all part of this process we call life.
And here we go again, my seed pod is busting open, the vastness within seeks to rip the seams holding it all together so a new shoot can appear, the survival instinct kicks in and wants to stop it, unchartered territory signals danger to this vigilante of keeping the the status quo…and then…
…Once again I am being reminded to go within and take stock before I get too stuck. I recognize the pattern now, I don’t resist as much though I rarely run toward it with joy either! I’m generally somewhere in between and I know through many experiences like this that it will be better on the other side.
Just as the world feels like it is falling apart the sun comes out and pierces through the sky, all is not lost, light will follow dark, what goes down will come up, such are the cycles and nature of life. The deeps ebbs come with the full flows and then there is every flow in between.
These cycles can shake us up or they can shake us down, through them we can really see what we are made of outside of the labels and assumptions we have picked up as our own “carry on” along the way. Only we didn’t pack these bags ourselves, they were “assembled” for us by way of environment and upbringing and we carry them into adulthood often claiming them as our own not knowing any different.
Until something hits a chord and we stand upright and take stock. We know at this point, without question, it is time. You may not even know what it is is time for or how it will happen but you know, it’s time.
Time to put the bags down, all of them, and go with empty hands, then decide which ones are yours and which have been borrowed or imposed from others, check those at the gate and don’t look back. Now go fill your new luggage with all that is yours, and yes you will probably have a few dives over to the dark side, there are nuggets of gold to be found when we find ourselves there.
I had no idea how this would all pan out and here I am, still standing, happier and healthier at 50 than I was at 27 or 37. Something somewhere is working, these small perspective and paradigm shifts appear inconsequential at first glance, but like a seed set in soil and tended, they will grow, and the rewards will be reaped over time. Looking over my shoulder at the 16 years behind me I see how mighty those seedlings have become.
Below is a NoteToSelf that came through on FaceBook the other day.
I am (once again) in the cocoon phase too, ready to bust my wings out and I thought you might like this little note from within about the caterpillar and butterfly. I always come back to this beautiful story when the pain of gaining wings seems too much to bear but too necessary to forego.
#NoteToSelf401
“Nobody said transformation would be easy,” said the Butterfly to the Caterpillar.
Don’t give up little caterpillar, your wings are waiting for you on the other side of your cocoon, your life is going to get messier before it gets better, chaos always precedes the storm but after you get your wings will fly you away to a new life you could only a butterfly can dream of.
So hang in there and know there is no part greater than the whole, this mess is the shadow to your light, you need both, embrace the shadows and you will always have light on your side. Without a shadow you are no more, embrace the shadow and the light, two sides of the same coin.
Hold on baby, your time is coming. You will get your wings when it is time, now is not the time to rush, nobody said transformation is easy!”
Sending love to you if you are in the “ick and mush” of the caterpillar to cocoon to butterfly phase, it’s not always easy and sure ain’t pretty at times but it is oh so sweet when those wings finally break through.
And that is my message to you tonight, if you are feeling crushed by life and circumstances perhaps you too are in your cocoon waiting to bust out. Maybe there is a message in all that pain and mess. Hold on tight, we are going to keep chipping away at this, alone we can do so much, together we can do so much more.
And the heart of it all is that if we want something different we have TO DO something different and that is what got me here tapping away to you, the pacts I recently made to step more into my inner game than ever before and to do things that previously made me mighty uncomfortable-for I have found that those moments of discomfort can see us stepping into our greatness moments of glory.
Are you feeling the poke of your wings emerging or the molasses of your cocoon forming? What lies ahead of you when you get your wings? Where will you fly? Is your glory waiting in unclaimed baggage?
These are some of the questions I hope to get to know the answers to as you and I continue to share this journey.
I’d love to hear about where you are at, when we share others get to see they too are not alone, for though we truly are never alone, it can sometimes feel that way. I have felt alone and I don’t want anyone to feel that, I know you don’t either for you too have felt the cold war of loneliness as well I bet.
And if you are ready for some extra support and tools to help you along your way, come and check out our global community for change, it could be just what you’ve been looking for.
It’s time to eat my curry and get out of this chair, I hope you enjoyed this share, I am always happy (ok delighted) to hear from you.
Until next time I will see you on the other side, be kind to yourself in the meantime, you truly are worth it.
Sending buckets of love, unicorns and rainbows.
by Shiv Cook | Dec 13, 2018 | life
As a child I never understood the concept of keeping the nicest things we own for best.
Best china, best shoes, best lead cut crystal (before anyone realized what lead cut meant btw), sometimes even whole rooms are cordoned off “for best”.
The thing is we never know when the best of the best is coming. We can try to make it the best, by literally bringing out the best we have-the china, glasses, shoes etc. -but the acid test is the memory or memories the occasion spurns and the feelings we are left with.
And here’s another thing, the best is the time we have right now. It’s all we have. The past has gone, the future is not yet here, all we have is now.
I feel a familiarity with this concept after my brush with the feeling of the shadows of death, as the thought, “I’m gonna die right here, right now,” ran through my mind. Death was tapping me on the shoulder, and I couldn’t find my way through the smoke and flames to get out of the front door.
Of course I am here so I didn’t die, but most of my things, best or not, fried in that fire. And I learned a valuable lesson, just because I am here today planning what I will do tomorrow does not mean that tomorrow will dawn for me.
One day it will be lights out forever, and I feel it is that window of time, the one when you know it is a one way trip, that is the most precious. I don’t want to go into my next chapter kicking and screaming, or heaven forbid, chronically ill and or incapacitated. I don’t want to feel unprepared, nor those around me.
Life is a one way ticket, there is no getting there for a layover and then knowing you have the return date. All we have is now, the rest is not promised.
Regrets are not on my bucket list and I do my damnedest not to collect any more than the two I already have. The nature of them doesn’t matter, they happened 30 years ago and have been a guiding light to not collect more along the way.
We can escape death once or maybe even more, but one thing is for sure, when it’s truly time for lights out, death won’t take no for an answer. This is one expiration date that is not stamped out at time of manufacture! And not one of us is immune, no amount of money can buy more time, or save us, from our ultimate fate. None of us are getting out of here alive.
So after losing almost everything I owned, and gaining a life, here is one thing that I know and live every day. The best time any of us, no matter who we are, or where we are, no matter what’s going on in our lives, have is RIGHT NOW.
So now when I love something I don’t put it away for best, I get it out, use it and get pleasure from it every time I see it.
Check out my cabinets and closets, you won’t find tiers of things, the not so good, day stuff and best. Oh no, only my faves get to come out daily. I live in a tiny cottage where cabinet space is premium, only my cherished items get to hang out in my cupboards! Drinking my tea or chai is so much better out of my favorite cup than from a poor second. I am happy to say, my underwear drawer is the same, no saggy undies for me (when I do wear them that is, but that’s way off topic lol).
So dump out those seconds, bring forth the favorites, and create the best life ever every minute of the day. Life is an experience waiting to be encountered, how we do that is up to us.
What I know is that we have to stop waiting for the best to happen, and start creating the best we can with the best we have. Get some best in your life and watch your heart smile, and when your heart smiles the world smiles back.
It’s time to stop doing our best and start BEING our best, every minute of every breath we are licensed to breathe, for one day our bodies will be called in, and our breath will have nowhere to go. Don’t cheat yourself out of a life that feels better
What about you, do you save the best for best, or is your daily life sprinkled with all your best bits? I’d love to know.
Sending you love always, in all ways.
Sat nam
by Shiv Cook | Jan 13, 2017 | life
Hmm the formatting is messed up when I publish but not when I edit, I have faffed enough do forgive or move on :). As you may know I recently deleted the FaceBook app from my phone. It’s been about a week and I’m pretty amazed at the subtle changes that have taken place. I have been checking my personal page from my computer one a day (rather than obsessively checking my phone in down-times and between activities).
I will be back with more on those changes, but I did want to stop by and share this Lakota Prayer I saw on one of my daily visits to FaceBook. It is a beautiful prayer for trying times. And right now, many of my client conversations are around how to deal with the most recent heart wrenching events in the world.
We cannot control what we cannot control, and yet so much of what we cannot control ends up controlling us. Our human bodies are not designed to live in perpetual fear and trauma, yet many are.
And then there is this new “virtual” world where some might believe that if it’s not documented on social media it didn’t happen, they post of their good deeds, often pointing fingers at others they only know only through this new :virtual world” order.
I sit back and know talk is cheap. And still they scream from their FB pulpit, saffy little followers lapping it up, hoping that by mere association they too can be included among the good ones, the ones fighting for the right cause, doesn’t everyone thing their cause is the right cause?.
Divisiveness, even in, especially in, the name of the “greater good” (of course who determines is a whole other discussion) is still divisiveness, they are many ways to enact a rebellion and they don’t all have to be in the form of status updates.
And no, it’s not spiritual bypassing, or hippie dippie fairy shit I am spouting here, personally I don’t know why it took the changing of a president to realize that people are, and have always have been, suffering every single day in myriad unjust, unfair and inhumane ways.
Just because it got closer to home for some, they woke up and expect everyone to be in the initial frenzied shock of “we need to change this”, but listen up, some have been at that podium a long time already.
Just cuz my FaceBook status doesn’t say something doesn’t mean I did or didn’t do it.
And meanwhile, the sensitive ones among look for shelter. Where do we park our tender hearts in chaotic times without ripping them out along the way?
I like to go back to ancient tools that have survived the most turbulent of phenomena, time on the planet.
For this I have a variety of trusty sources, among them the Lakota peoples with this beautiful prayer which brings us back to what we can control. And that leads nicely into Stoicism and the teachings of Marcus Aurelius, Seneca and Epictetus. What a rich pot of advice these three bring together. We all them ancient tools for modern living.
This is not the first time it has all gone to shit.
Among many other fabulous teachings for finding equanimity in everyday mayhem, Epictetus counselled for us to get to know what we can control, and to do that, and to know what is outside of our control and to avoid that. How much more simple can you get?
We can’t control what the world throws at us, but we can learn to better control how we react to it, and that includes getting spun out on the media sensation and circus that grows bigger with each catastrophe,
Will it really help the world that you almost know the news reel verbatim by the end of a tragic day? That is a question only you can answer for you, but I know that for me, that of the greater ways I relieved stress was directly correlated to how much outside news I took on each day.
Yes there is much terror and pain in the greater world which is why we must also pay attention to our own immediate worlds and take care of one another there as well. By design we are community creatures, yet we have evolved out to being independent, now is the time to call together your immediate community, you know, the ones that live in the “real world” on the other side of the screen, for it can get forgotten in all the virtual insanity.
Our nervous system is not designed to keep re-living tragedies, it too needs respite. Perhaps this is time to limit the number of times a day you check into the news, the same way I am easing out of FB. Your nervous system will thank you and your world will too.
It is a dance for sure. and a personal one at that. And there are no medals for matyrdom, though many seem to be posturing to that end. You cannot give what you do not have for yourself.
When life rages around us, we are called to cultivate peace within so we can emanate peace without, whatever your views it all starts with us, as Rumi said, Yesterday I was clever and wanted to change the world, today I am wise and want to change myself.
Now more than ever it is time for each for us to find our place, we are not all meant to be at the same place doing the same thing, we need to allow for our differences, and take stock of actions that (often) are as divisive as the ones being rallied against.
Our time on this planet is limited, and none of us know our expiration date. Look at your world around you. are you safe and peaceful? Give thanks for that and ask that all sentient beings know this peace, from our closest loved ones, to those we have never met and all those who have harmed and hurt us. Compassion knows no boundaries, it’s for all or none. Choose all and all will choose you.
Take this prayer, or any prayer that has served you well. Be the change, walk in peace and let change and peace follow you everywhere you go.
I’d love to hear how you are doing in this emotionally turbulent times. What practice keeps you going, or have you been drawn down into the media rabbit hole of despair?
May all beings be free from suffering, and the causes of suffering and may we all know peace.
Until next time
Sat nam
Shiv
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